Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
