The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
