i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
