I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
