he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize