areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
