um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
