Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
