"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
