I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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