My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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