just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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