Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
