Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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