Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
