a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
