That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
