if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
