he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well I just put wine in my tea
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Randomize
