Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
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