SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
