i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
