I feel like I'm in dance class right now
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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