You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
