she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
