walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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