one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
