I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
