Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
