I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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