Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
