Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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