ya dads aren't the best wingmen
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
In America we eat man semen.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
