I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
