I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
