We're facebook friends in real life
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
PANTIES FOUND
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