I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
His nipple licking is glorious
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