So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
