i need an iv and a liver transplant
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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