I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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