Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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