Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
