my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
