Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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