we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
