made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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