I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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