white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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