you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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