I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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