She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
