i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
