He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
